I never saw myself as a stay at home mom.

My decision to start working again led me to reflecting on the fact that I have always been someone who has been very career-driven. I have always taken my jobs seriously and a flaw of mine is even letting some of my jobs define me. So when I became a mom and I slowly found myself in the “stay at home mom” role… it was a huge identity shift for me. Becoming a mom forces you to find a new version of yourself and this version of me without a career was someone that took a lot to get used to.

Being home with my kids the past 2.5 years has been beautiful.

I have been able to spend so much time getting to know them, bond with them, catch every milestone, and get to know/get comfortable with this new version of myself.

But after having my second (and last) baby I was ready to start focusing on myself again.

I am the first to admit that I had lost myself in motherhood. I didn’t do anything for me these past few years. Every person’s needs came before my own. I wasn’t giving myself any attention at all. I honestly didn’t even know what I wanted or needed. I simply neglected myself. I needed to find the new version of myself.

With this came a lot of other emotions. A lot of stress. A lot of chaos. Feeling “busy” but unaccomplished. Unfulfilled. Burnt out. And even resentful. I resented my husband for having the career of his dreams while I stayed home with the kids. Even though, “this is what I wanted” right?

I also tried fitting myself into a bubble that I thought society needed me to be in.

I thought being a stay at home mom was just what I needed to do. I thought it was the one way I could show my love to my boys and I thought me being home with them every day is what would positively impact them the most. After having my second baby, I learned this couldn’t be further from the truth. Being a stay at home mom doesn’t mean you love your kids any more than someone who works. I feel like even though I am working now, I am even MORE present than I was before.

On this journey of being a stay at home I realized I was looking for something more.

What I was looking for couldn’t be fulfilled by my kids or my family. I was looking for something to call my own. I wanted to feel inspired, lit up and excited like how I used to feel when I was deep in my career (pre babies). Becoming a mom forces you to find a new version of yourself and I was finally feeling like I found the new me.

These past few years I kept telling myself that I couldn’t have both.

I either had to be “all in” with my kids or I had to be “all in” with my career. This was the narrative I wrote, and the story I chose to believe so of course I couldn’t see things in any other light. So after our second baby was born and deciding this was our last baby, I knew it was time to start focusing on me again. I had made a New Years Resolution to commit to myself and focus on myself and with that came the decision to jump back into the workforce.

I was extremely excited to have something to call my own and honestly I was looking forward to the break from mom life. I couldn’t help but think of how freeing it would feel to be able to sneak away for a few hours every day, away from the kids to work on something that made me feel fulfilled and proud!

These last few years I let motherhood define me and I was so absorbed in the day-to-day duties of being a mom that I had completely lost the side of me who was always so motivated and eager to work and focus on my career.

Obviously this choice isn’t for everyone. There are many moms who WANT to be stay at home moms. I think for some women, being a mom is their sole purpose and I truly think that’s beautiful, but I knew for me, being a mom wasn’t my only purpose. I’ve always known that I would be someone who has had some type of career. My decision to jump back into the workforce wasn’t about anything other than me finding my passion and chasing it. I made a declaration to myself that this year I would prioritize my own goals and dreams rather than neglect them.

So here we are, half way through the year and I can say I achieved one of my goals of getting a job.

I landed the job here at Bumpdate as their Social Media Manager a few months ago and this has been the best decision for myself and my family. I am obviously passionate about being a mom. I love motherhood and I love my two boys more than life itself but I also love social media and I love having a creative outlet. Being able to blend these two worlds, which are big parts of me, has been the biggest blessing and has been so much fun.

Chloe Gillette (@chloegillette_) lives just outside of Los Angeles, CA with her husband and son. Chloe is an online mentor for moms, helping them find their purpose outside of motherhood. Chloe pivoted from business coaching, to specifically focusing on moms after becoming a mom herself and realizing the emotional challenges and hurdles that many moms face, yet very few talk about. Chloe is also the founder of an online community (@morethanamom.co) where moms can connect, receive support, feel heard and understood on all things motherhood.

Chloe’s blog was originally posted by my dear friends of Bumpdate: https://bumpdateapp.com/blog/my-decision-to-start-working-again/