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Making Mama A Priority

By: Ashley Verma | Published: March, 2023

As a mother, it’s natural to prioritise the needs of your child and family above your own. However, there are times when you may feel guilty for wanting to take some time for yourself, even if it’s just for a quick shower before starting your workday. Perhaps you felt selfish because you wanted your husband to take your child to school so that you could have some extra time to focus on your own work, responsibility, your own self. Honestly, I struggle with this weekly. I realise this is a tug of war scenario and yet I do know, feel, I’m happier when I make certain days for me. 

It’s worth considering that your partner likely feels similarly when he heads off to work. While they may not be physically present with your family during the day, they are likely working hard and wishing they were off to the playground too. It’s important to recognise that taking time for yourself does not mean that you are neglecting your responsibilities as a mother or a partner. You are setting yourself up for a happier you. 

It’s also understandable to want to make sure that your child doesn’t feel neglected or unimportant. However, it’s important to remember that making self-care and setting boundaries is actually beneficial for your child in the long run. When you take care of yourself, you are better able to show up for your family as a whole.

A 2015 Pew Research Centre survey found that many parents struggle with finding the right balance between spending time with their children and taking care of their own needs. While it’s important to be present for your child, it’s equally important to prioritise your own well-being.

So, if you’re feeling guilty for wanting to take some time for yourself, remember that self-care is not a luxury, but a necessary part of being a good mother. By prioritising your own needs, you are better able to show up for your family and be the best version of yourself.

Many parents struggle with finding the right balance between spending time with their children and taking care of their own needs. One reason for this disconnect may be modern parenting styles, which can lead to a culture of over-parenting. You do not get a “Mom of the Year” award for slogging through 8 hours of parenting feeling drained, worthless and not enough for your little one. This daily repetitive lifestyle can and will lead to burnout. We begin to cloud the amount of time we spend with our kids with the quality of our parenting.  The truth is that the quality of your relationship with your child is not directly correlated to the time you spend with them.

Acknowledging this fact can help us figure out what we actually need to be the best parent we can be. It allows us to let go of the guilt that often comes with taking time for ourselves. Old-fashioned mom-guilt can prevent many of us from taking advantage of solo time. 

Self-care is essential to our health and well-being, and the more we fill ourselves up, the more we have to give. Self-care does not mean you must be in the gym putting in the miles. Reading a book, personal quiet time, going for a walk, having a coffee date and the list goes on… this is self-care. As mothers, we give a lot, and it’s important to remember that prioritising our own needs is not a selfish act. In fact, it’s an act of selflessness, as it allows us to show up for our families as our best selves. By taking care of ourselves, we are better able to give our children the love, attention, and guidance they need. So, let go of the guilt, embrace self-care, and be the best parent you can be.

Ashley is a mom, founder of the Bizzimumzi podcast, and Define London fitness studio. She is a former Broadway performer and celebrity trainer. Through Bizzimumzi Ashley has created a welcoming community to share the highs and lows of parenting, and inspire others to feel empowered in their journey. Ashely believes the most perfect picture of parenting is simply when you are trying your best. Bizzimumzi is a safe space that helps parents to inspire, educate and support each other to be the best parent they can be.

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