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Connecting with your Core Values after having children

By: Dr. Claire Vowell | Published: December, 2022

Often mothers struggle with a loss of identity after having children and central to this can be losing sight of your core values. Your values are like the foundation of a house, they are what you build your life on—your work, your family, even what you do for fun. They’re your compass for everything you do and are a critical part of your identity, But it can be easy to become disconnected from your values and to lose sight of what is important, which can lead to feeling rudderless, uncertain and dissatisfied. Your values act as a compass and without connecting to your values it can be difficult to know which direction to take.

When you are in touch with your core values, you are more likely to make decisions that are in line with who you are and what you believe in. This can help you avoid the pitfalls of making decisions based on short-term desires or what other people think. Connecting with your core values can also lead to greater satisfaction in your life, as you will be taking actions that are consistent with what matters most to you.

Another benefit of connecting with your core values is that it can help you stay focused and motivated. When you know what matters to you, it is easier to stay on track and pursue goals that are in line with your values. Additionally, when you are aware of your values, it can be easier to recognize and let go of anything in your life that is not in alignment with them.
Here are some tips for connecting with your core values.

  1. Take some time to reflect on your life and the decisions you have made. Think about the values that have been important to you in the past and how they have influenced your decisions. Write down your thoughts and feelings about these values and why they matter to you.
  2. From here, identify your core values. Think about what matters most to you. Think about your goals, the things that bring you joy and the people who are important to you. Consider what you would like to be remembered for and what values you would like to pass on to your children.
  3. Talk to others: Talking to others about your values can be a great way to connect with them. Reach out to friends, family, colleagues or mentors and discuss your values. Ask them for advice and feedback on how you can stay true to your values.
  4. Be mindful of how your actions reflect your core values. Take time each day to check in with yourself and reflect on how your actions are in line with your values. This will help you stay focused and motivated.
  5. Practise self-acceptance. Acknowledging your core values and being comfortable with them is the key to living a life of purpose and meaning.


Connecting with your core values is an important process that can help you lead a more meaningful and fulfilling life. Knowing your values can help you make decisions that are true to yourself and your goals. It can also help you identify and nurture relationships that are meaningful to you. Your values help to define you, they are part of your identity. By following the tips above, you can begin to connect with your core values and sense of identity and lead a life that is true to you.


Dr. Claire Vowell is a Counselling Psychologist. She is passionate about reducing the stigma around mental health. Claire believes therapy can be of benefit to anyone and should be accessible to all.

Dr. Vowell an integrative practitioner, trained in a variety of modalities, including CBT, and psychodynamic and person-centred therapy.

Prior to training as a psychologist, Claire spent nine years working in Corporate Communications and Public Relations.

Connect with Dr Claire Vowell here:@emergingmums

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